We have all heard " be the best version of yourself "...
On the surface, " be the best version of yourself " is seemingly harmless and possibly even a motivational phrase that helps us think about pushing ourselves to succeed, reach our potential, and be the person we want to be.
Reaching high, setting goals, and wanting to excel are worthy endeavors; I am not suggesting that we should not have aims. But is striving to be the best version of ourselves the most productive way to encourage greater fulfillment and happiness in life?
What does being the best version of yourself look like?
When I think about what the best version of myself is, my mind wanders, and my ideas are grand. I wake up at 5 am every day, meditate for at least 30 minutes, do yoga, and write in my journal. Two is my maximum number of coffees per day and I rarely eat the cheese and chocolate that tempt me daily. I never yell at my kids. My housework is in order and I am on top of my chores. I always pack healthy snacks for school, and I excel every day at work. I am humble and can easily accept criticism. Pleasant, kind, funny and happy are words that describe me…to name but only a few.
I mean, what’s wrong with having this vision of what the best version of myself looks like? We all need to have goals and standards for ourselves, right?
We must ask though, who is setting the standard for best?
What are we attaching to the word best and how is it affecting our feelings of self-worth?
Striving to be our best selves is problematic as it creates pressure and false expectations, as well as comparison, competition, and self-judgment. And being the best implies perfection. Perfectionism is the workhorse of depression and anxiety. Perfectionism, in fact, reduces our ability to succeed.
And what if we aren’t living the best versions of ourselves, does that mean we have failed? Are we searching for something that is in fact unattainable or unsustainable in the long term at best, and making us feel like failures at worst?
Aspiring to be your best self, and all that entails, might help you shoot for the stars and become the person you would like to be in an ideal world, but the stakes are high and in the end, will you be happy?
When we stop trying to be the best and just be ourselves, we get closer to a healthy version of what best for us means.
Be the best version of yourself or be the most honest version of yourself ?
What if "be the most honest version of yourself” was the phrase we gave our attention to and used as a motivator to become the person we want to be?
How then does that change how we look at our lives and how we want to show up in the world? Does the pressure valve get turned down for you? Does it feel like it is more achievable?
To live honestly and with self-authenticity still requires time, effort, and proactivity but there isn’t the ingrained comparison and judgment associated with how good that version of yourself is.
Unlike the word best, which tells us that somehow we aren’t doing enough, don’t have enough or aren’t enough, striving to be the most honest version of yourself is more personal, fluid and compassionate.
The first step to changing this frame of mind is becoming aware of this as a goal in your life and then thinking about what makes you, you. What are your values, what is important to you, and what relationships and roles do you have in your life where you are at ease and can effortlessly be yourself? Where do you derive the most satisfaction in your daily activities? And are you true to your personality, values, and spirit?
And importantly, can you come up with these answers free from societal pressures, expectations and obligations?
Just because everyone in your community does yoga doesn’t mean you have to do it if it isn’t for you. Accept that. Let go of judgments from others and find the thing that fills your cup. Stop following what other people believe is the right thing to do and create your own path.
If you are curious, patient and proactive, you can find your core, your essence, and yourself. As you move your focus onto actively identifying situations where you are not in line with your values, where you are in alignment, which relationships are supportive and bring you closer to being who you are and who you want to be, where you find the most joy, and where you are happiest, you can begin to uncover your authentic and honest self.
The more light you shine on the honest version of yourself, the easier it will be to continue to cultivate this version of yourself, and friend, I promise you will be happier for of it.
Don't try to be your best self, cultivate your most honest self
Ultimately knowing your ikigai is about knowing yourself, which takes time and effort - Yukari Mitsuhashi
There are three areas within the ikigai philosophy that speak strongly to showing up authentically in our lives. To start building your self-awareness so you can show up more authentically and live with more purpose and joy, we encourage you to grab a pen and paper and launch into these questions to get you started!
Life satisfaction
-What makes you happy in your everyday life
What are the small things that give you pleasure in your daily life?
-What is aligned with your values
What activities do you do or actions you take that are aligned with your core values?
What actions do you take that are not aligned with your values? (try to think of situations where you are not at ease, where something feels off, or you are unhappy).
-Having a bright future
What are you looking forward to? (this weekend, next month, in the coming years)
Authentic relationships
-Having meaningful relationships
What are your most important relationships?
-Finding purpose in our roles
What roles do you hold in your most important relationships?
-Embody who you are
What character do you embody in those roles?
Self-actualization
-Self-acceptance
Have you fully accepted yourself?
If you haven’t, can you identify the areas that you are less willing to accept?
-Having freedom
What choices are you making for your freedom and for the freedom of others?
-Self-actualizing
Am I living true to myself?
Do I show up as my authentic self?
Remember, authenticity is a practice which means it takes time, patience, and dedication.
Authenticity illuminates the path forward to live the life you want. When you get clear on what matters to you, you make decisions that align with your identity and core values. You begin to build a life that brings you meaning and joy. In doing so, you inspire those around you to do the same.
... AND, you will end up truly being the best version of yourself because it is the version that is aligned with YOU, and living your truth is the secret to finding fulfilment and lasting happiness.
What could be better than that?
Bucketlist Bombshells Wellness Workshop
We recently delivered a workshop for the Bucketlist Bombshells community on how to show up authentically in your life.
To hear more about ikigai and how you can show up authentically in your life, access the workshop by signing up to Bucketlist Bombshells 2 week free trial.
Click here to access the free trial then go to Content Hub and search “ikigai”.
https://bucketlistbombshells.com/collectivemember
Are you an expat looking for support in your personal and professional life abroad? Are you seeking clarity of self and a more fulfilling life?
Our clients are often: first-time expats, trailing spouses, diplomats, well-seasoned expats, digital nomads, moms…
Click here to learn about our services, how an expat coach can help you through the challenges of your expatriation, and how you can find and pursue your ikigai as an expat.